My Desire

I just want to be Your reflection.

- Urban Rescue

Rich with Pennies

I've been posting about pennies here for the past few years

and have been sharing them more regularly for the past couple weeks.

But one thing I hope is clear,

pennies don't mean that everything is hunky-dory.

Pennies don't somehow magically heal people,

They don't keep away divorce, addiction, cancer, hurt feelings, or infertility.

They don't prevent hurtful situations or unkind words.

And they sure as heck don't wrap you in emotional numbness

towards all of the just-plain-awful things

that we experience in this world.

Life is hard.

Relationships are work.

Illness abounds.

Tough decisions need to be made.

There are bad days, weeks and seasons.

But He gives more grace. 

My prayer is that the Creator of the Universe

would give us eyes to see the grace He has for us,

the mercy He showers upon us so lavishly

and the little pennies He's placed in our paths.

Because in times of trouble and trial,

in times of not-so-great and just-plain-awful...

we can look back on this jar of pennies we've been collecting

and see just how faithful God is to carry us through.

We are rich with pennies.

Thankfulness

This morning my heart is just bursting with thanksgiving.

For a full day of family time

For simple pleasures

For delicious food

For radiant sunshine

For humor

For my own space

For dreams and passions and ideas

For quiet mornings

For travel

For spontaneity

For barefeet and cucumber water

For hugs and smiles and hand-squeezes

For laughter

For new friends and old friends 

For a good cry

For a full heart

For energy and good health

For the opportunity to be married to my best friend

For open schedules

For new recipes

For warm summer nights

For air conditioning for said summer nights

For caffeine

and for the fullness my heart feels.

Thank you, Lord.

You are good.

Those days

Those days

Those days when you're tired of looking in the mirror

and seeing your sin, your failures and your shortcomings.

Those days when you need an extra big helping of grace

to get you through the day. 

Those days when He teaches you how to extend that grace to others

in light of yourself. in spite of yourself.

Those days when you couldn't possibly be more thankful

that God's plan didn't end in the garden.

Those days

like today

are the most precious of pennies.

------

Holy God,

thank You that You are God and we are not.

Thank You for revealing my need for You

even when it's painful, hurtful, and frustrating.

Thank you for the ways You've taught me grace.

What a beautiful melody.

  

In the morning

This morning,

I curled up in my favorite blanket,

lit one of my favorite candles,

and drank a warm cup of tea while I studied.

My body was comfy and cozy.

But my heart, it is wrestling.

Lord, that You would be the only God I serve.

January: the best of my days

It's insanely simple, but I didn't keep up with this discipline in 2012

and I missed it dearly

So Ashley's Best of my Days is back for 2013.

How does it work?

Just take a minute each morning 

to reflect and thank God for the best part of the previous day.

It's a great way to foster a thankful heart

 and to keep your eyes open to little pennies along the way.

1. Spending quality time with my mother-in-law and sister-in-law while the boys slept in

2. Getting back to Bible Study after the holiday break

3. Coming home to a clean house and getting to talk wedding plans with Lyssie

4. Working from home

5. Day 1 of operation nutrients

6. 24. All. Day. Long.

7. A sweet birthday lunch with my co-worker

8. A meeting-free afternoon at work to be productive

9. Nordies' tomato soup

10. A PRD issue resolved quickly and smoothly at work

11. Talking travel with Jay over lunch

12. Trying a new restaurant with good friends

13. Celebrating my father-in-law

14. Meeting Stacy for coffee and life-giving conversation

15. Daddy-daughter lunch date

16. Not wanting to get up from my morning study time

17. Finally booking the hotels for our UK trip

18. Staying up past my bedtime and meeting new friends

19. Restaurant week date with my best friend

20. Being able to help in the nursery at church

21. Snuggling with Jeremiah

22. An encouraging pep-talk

23. Getting a surprise morning call from Jay on my way to work

24. Chatting softball

25. Watching softball games. All. Day. Long.

26. Family time

27. Seeing the Vegas strip at night

28. Getting to sleep all day

29. Date Night with my cute husband

30. Yummy snacks at Bible Study

31. Jeremiah stopping by my work mid-day for a kiss in between clients

This morning

This morning.

My Friday morning

My husband, awake

My journal full

My heart challenged

My phone ringing with a thoughtful phone call

My windshield wet with morning drizzles

My hands wrapped around a hot cup of tea

My head slightly swaying to the Pandora station I've titled "for a happy heart"

Today, I choose joy.

All of 'my' for Your glory.

2013: Goals

The second half of 2012 was very much an equipping year for me.

It was a tearing down and a building up.

It was a preparation for what I believe will be an incredible 2013.

I've been talking with the Lord about some of these goals for months.

And others He more recently placed upon my heart.

Needless to say, I'm really excited about them.

Lord willing, these are some of our/my goals for 2013:

{Personal Goals}

*Continue to spend my mornings with the Lord
* Donate blood this Easter - There. I wrote it. Hold me accountable. Please

{Marital Goals}

* Spend Sundays Sabbathing - This year Jeremiah and I will not be making any commitments on Sundays. We will be reserving Sundays for the Lord, for rest, for reflection, for each other and for our families.
* Monthly Dates - Each month, we'd like to plan 3 dates: Something Old, Something New and an Act of Service, too. The "Something Old" will be something we've done before and have been wanting to do again. The "Something New" will follow the same format as our 50 First Dates. And the "Act of Service" will be some way of giving back to the community and loving on others. I'm really excited not only about the ways that we will continue to set aside intentional time to invest in our marriage, but also for intentionality of giving of our time and resources.

{Financial Goals}

* Give more generously - I'm really challenged that we would spend as month of our monthly budget on other people as we do on ourselves. To have actually factored this into our budgets in a couple ways in addition to tithing, I'm really excited about what God is doing here.
* Pay off our final Student Loan - I think there'll probably be a celebratory dinner once this bad boy is gonzo.
* Save. Save. Save - For a new car, for more home projects, for a rainy day

{Travel Goals}

* Watch the sunset over the Grand Canyon
* Take my picture in front of the MacLeod Castle
* Eat Dim Sum, Sushi and Thai in their native countries
* See the leaves change in the Pacific Northwest

Do you make any New Year's Resolutions? What are your goals for 2013?

2012 Goals: Re-visited

As the year comes to an end...

a little recap on how the 2012 goals went.

1. Love deeply

I'm learning a lot about what this looks like from the time I've been spending with Love himself.

I hope I continue to grow in the way I love those around me...

both my family and friends as well as people I don't even know.

2. Be wise stewards of our finances

This year we paid off two of our three student loans

(with plans to pay off the third in 2013),

cut out a few unnecessary things we were paying for

and tried to give more generously.

But the Lord has shown me some other things He's calling us too as well.

More on this as part of our 2013 goals.

3. Develop my career.

God has slowly, but surely been teaching me how to glorify him through my work.

This year, Jeremiah and I were also both promoted at work.

I completed my CUA courses and passed my certification exam, too.

4. Continue to make our house a home.

We were busy this year remodeling our kitchen

and we are absolutely in love with how it turned out.

We've also been learning how to use our home as a blessing to others.

5. Go on 50 First Dates.

This was one of my favorite goals of the year

It has been such a fun thing to do together.

And we did it! We actually went on all 50 dates (though I'm still working to blog them all)!

I'm really excited about the twist we're putting on this goal for next year. More later.

6. Live a healthier life.

Let's be honest, this is always a goal.

And while I'm finally more conscious about it,

I still don't count this much of a success.

Instead of coming and going in waves,

I'm praying for a little extra dose of discipline in 2013.

7. Stamp that passport.

We finally wandered outside of the US this year.

Before we left, I completed all 50 levels of the "Learn to speak Italian" app I had been playing with,

but to be honest, my elementary vocabulary 

and inability to construct more than a couple sentences

was not terribly helpful.

Doesn't matter. We had a wonderful time anyway.

And the funny part about this goal...

when we finally got to Italy,

no one stamped my passport at all.

I had to fight my way through the line again,

just to get an actual stamp. :)

Better Sacrifices

I am really hesitant to post this because I don't want it to come off pretencious or prideful, but my {relatively} new morning routine is ROCKING - MY - WORLD. 

 I want to write it down for documentation's sake, but also share it with my few remaining readers in case any of you are struggling to find time with the Lord and might be encouraged by what a big difference a small change can make.

My Old Morning Routine:

6:30am - Alarm goes off. Snooze a few times.

6:45am - Get up and get ready for work.

7:30am - Maybe grab something to munch on while I run out the door. 

7:45am - Stop at Starbucks if I didn't grab anything.

My New Morning Routine: starts 45 minutes earlier

5:45am - Alarm goes off (It's Christmas music right now - making me so happy). Snooze once.

5:55am - Get up and get ready for work.

6:45am - Go downstairs, light candles, and spend time reading/journaling/praying

7:15am - Make breakfast and pack a lunch (if I'm not too wrapped up in my quiet time)

7:30am - Leave for work

Not only am I absolutely loving the un-rushed and deeply fulfilling time that I'm spending with the Lord each day (it seriously feels like we have a coffee date heart-to-heart every morning), but I'm also feeling much better equipped for the day as a whole. I'm not wasting as much money (and calories!) on eating out and my heart is so SO full as I head off to work. 

The tiredness I thought I'd feel from getting up earlier is {almost} completely replaced with an excitement and anticipation that makes me eager to wake up the next morning. I pray often that the Lord would sustain this excitement as I incorporate this discipline into my daily routine.

---------------------

The Story Behind the Routine:

I didn't just wake up one day and decide to sleep less and do more.

For the past year, the Lord has been calling me (and preparing my heart) to lay better offerings before Him. These offerings fall into several categories, but one of the things specifically on my heart is giving sacrifices of the flesh. 

I'm not saying everyone needs to wake up early and read their Bible for hours on end. Or give everything they have to the poor and move to some third-world country.  

But for me, and what the Lord has for me right now, He's made it clear that He expects better sacrifices from me - and to start with, sacrifices of this world: sleep, comfort, money, resources, my own blood (in the form of donating blood), etc.

So I've made a step to sacrifice sleep to spend more time in relationship with Him.

And boy is He blessing that offering like crazy.

This Bare ol' Blog

I must admit

that while my blog is bare

the pages of my journal are full

of prayers, of honesty, of processing

and my heart is full to match.

Overwhelmed

This morning I read one of the most well-known passages in the Bible.

I've read it countless times,

but today...

today I needed the freedom in that passage to consume me.

To take me over. To overwhelm me.

"For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith 

 and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God 

 not by works, so that no one can boast. 

For we are God's handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, 

which God prepared in advance for us to do." 

Ephesians 2:8-9

Because the truth is, I've been overwhelmed by all sorts of things lately.

Overwhelmed by the hurt and brokenness

Overwhelmed with earthly things, earthly concepts, earthly feelings

Overwhelmed with callings and convictions

Overwhelmed with work and to do lists and perfectionism

Overwhelmed with good things that aren't necessarily better or best

Overwhelmed with my sin
Overwhelmed with new ideas and new passions

Overwhelmed with joy

Overwhelmed with emotion

Overwhelmed with some good things

and some bad.

But none as powerful as the Truth above.

I am saved.

Entirely by grace

Through an active, every-growing, ever-stretching faith

Not by my works  

But by His

Saved for a purpose

To glorify God

in the ways He's called me to.

Grateful.  

If you knew me...

If you knew me, you'd know...

I almost get more joy from planning a trip than I do from actually experiencing the trip.

I'm passionate about (and thankful for) relationships that the Lord has redeemed.

I could eat macaroni and cheese for every meal. No problem.

I'm practically insane. We're talking real solid mental case here.

A juicy peach can make my entire day.

I've come a long way in my fight against Perfectionism.

I need to slow down. 

Daydream about New York at least once a week.

I'm caught in the tension of feeling I need to blog, even wanting to blog, but knowing how freeing it has been to let my blog sit lonely.

I'm ridiculously thankful for the new women's bible study in my life.

I haven't crafted in months and I'm convinced my creativity is slowly leaking out of my pores.

I'm pretty much 100% Jessi, 100% of the time.

I want to know the mess that's going on in your heart.

I struggle with comparison and contentment.

I've got the travel bug like whoa.

I'm terrified and entirely excited to be a mother one day.

My "Want To Do" List is longer than I am tall.

I can't figure out if I want to hold on to these last few weeks of summer or if I want to leap into fall.

I'm motivated by overcast days and a pair of sweatpants.

A change of scenery or routine does absolute wonders for my soul.

I'm prideful. stubborn. and utterly dependent on grace.

I adore my family.

I've been getting a lot better about praying for my husband consistently.

I'm encouraged by generosity.

I see the world through a lens.

I need to learn to keep my mouth shut sometimes.

2012 Goals-ish

Since I turn 25 this year,
I thought I might come up with 25 goals for the year,
but as I started to write each of them down,
I heard the Lord whisper "Simplify"

And here's the not-so-shocker,
He's right.

So instead of 25 goals, or 26 before I'm 26,
or even 12 because it's 2012,
I thought I'd just share what my priorities are this year:

1. Love deeply
At home. At work. At church. At the grocery store. Everywhere!
Love others the way they receive love.
And this all stems from spending time with Love himself.

2. Be wise stewards of our finances
Right now I see this as giving more generously than we did in 2011,
paying off one of our student loans,
and sacrificing things we just plain want
for the sake of saving or sharing our pretty pennies.
But we'll see what else the Lord has in store to teach us.

3. Develop my career.
This is another one that can pan out in several ways.
Currently, I'd like to get my CUA certification.
I'm also interested in a promotion,
but most of all I'm interested in learning to glorify God through my work.

4. Continue to make our house a home.
This year I think this will look like renovating our kitchen,
and then filling it with those whom we love dearly.

5. Go on 50 First Dates.
You can read more about this one here.
But this is a mix of being intentional in our marriage
and exploring the beautiful city of San Diego.

6. Live a healthier life.
I've thought of concrete measurable goals
like going to the gym 4 times a week,
like making healthy new recipes each week
Consistently go to the gym 3-4 times a week
or like running a 5K
But really, if I could just get one of those down
it'd call it a win in my book.

7. Stamp that passport.
For the love of travel,
my passport is completely empty.
We had originally planned to visit Hong Kong this year,
but it turns out we'll be spending two weeks in Italy instead.
I. Can't. Wait.
And I'm finally picking up that Italian again...

What are your thoughts on 2012?

11 Goals for 2011: The Wrap-up

At the beginning of the last year, I made 11 goals for 2011.
I know we're already into February,
but I wanted to take a look back at those goals.

It only seemed right before I post my thoughts on 2012. :)

1. Save $10,000.
   I should be responsible and say it's for a rainy day,
   but instead I'll be honest and say it's to remodel the kitchen.
   Check-a-roo. Kitchen re-model here we come!
   
   
2. Travel to:
   Palm Springs, Seattle/Portland, and Hawaii
   We spent a relaxing weekend in Palm Springs in January,
   and had such a fun time in Seattle in June.
   But our trip to Hawaii took the cake.
   We had so much fun exploring and spending time with our friends!
   
   
3. Find a church and get involved
   After looking since... well, since we got married,
   we finally found a new church towards the end of January!
   We've got plugged in to a Home Group,
   have taken a handful of different classes at church,
   and I've also started volunteering in the nursery. :)
   
   
4. Host a monthly girls' event
   Card making, Movie night, etc.
   When I came up with this idea, I wasn't really sure how it'd go.
   But it turned out to be a little blessing each month.
   Despite the fun, I've decided for a couple reasons not to continue this into 2012.
   
   
5. Remodel the downstairs bathroom
   Done, done, done.
   And I love it.
   
   
6. Write a short Bible study plan on the book of Ruth
   I studied Ruth quite a bit during the last half of the year.
   I gathered all my notes together,
   but just never got around to actually putting together a bible study plan.
   
   
7. Intentionally work on our marriage together
   and perhaps attend a marriage conference
   With the craziness of busy season that was Jan - June,
   working on our marriage looked entirely different than I anticipated.
   But, it's beautiful to see the ways we've grown together over the past year.
   The Lord has really shown us the blessings (and calling!) of marriage.
   
   
8. Work on Jeremiah's secret project (=
   We saved up a little over 2/3 of what we budgeted for this,
   but we are waiting on the Lord for this one.
   The time just isn't quite right yet.
   
   
9. Practice Italian.
   And maybe be able to have basic conversations by the end of the year
   I actually didn't start practicing Italian until this year,
   but I've had so much fun learning a new language.
   You can bet I'll keep working on this one,
   especially because I have some motivation now.
   
   
10. Find special ways to show our family and friends
    how much we love them.
    I don't think I'll ever mark this one a done deal.
    It's simple things like cards, dinners, kind words, and extra-long hugs.
    Iit's been so rewarding.
    
    
11. Get workin' on our fitness
    Jeremiah and I actually got gym memberships in September.
    That counts as progress, right?
    

How did you do on any goals you set for the last year?
Anything new and exciting for 2012?

3 Years. 3 Lessons.

Earlier this month I celebrated three years
of working at Qualcomm full-time.

In recognition of these three years
that the Lord has sustained my career,
I thought it only appropriate
to reflect back on what I've learned.

To be honest, I've learned a billion things
(Okay, maybe not a billion, but quite a few)
But if I narrowed it down to what's been on my heart lately,
it'd be these three things:

1. We live in a broken world.
Like VERY broken.
And that's why I'm thankful for lesson #2.

2. I need Jesus.
Despite my personal, spiritual and career development (or more, because of),
each day I need the Lord even more than I did the day before.
I can't function on my own. I can't love on my own.
I can't truly see on my own. He sustains me.
And each step I take towards trying to achieve, develop
and be on my own is one step backwards.

3. Promotions are not just an accomplishment
or a reward for a job well done.
They are a higher calling. A calling to love harder, forgive better,
rely more, and to be a good steward.

Thank you, Lord for walking beside me
specifically for the past three years.
You've clearly prepared me for this job,
but you've also prepared this job for me.
Thank you for using it to bring me to my knees,
to call me to thanksgiving, and to open my eyes
and my heart to who You are and what You've called me to.
Where You lead, I will follow.
Amen.

On Storing Up

“Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth,
where moths and vermin destroy, and where thieves break in and steal.
But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven,
where moths and vermin do not destroy,
and where thieves do not break in and steal.
For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.”

Matthew 6:19-21

---

Every time I read this verse, the Spirit whispers:
Jessi, this is for you.

The truth is there aren't many tangible things I need.
Food. Water. Shelter. Clothing, Shoes... that's probably it.
But there are a billion and one things I want:
new clothes, new shoes, craft supplies, home decor,
new books, technological fancies, a new car,
better this, newer that ...

And for the past couple years
the Spirit has been waging a war against my inner greed.
Only the war is not really just about the greed.
It's not about the selfish desire of wanting more just for greed's sake.
It's about the fact that that greed is rooted in Discontentment.

And frankly, Discontentment has been that lingering zit
staring me in the face for the past two years
e-v-e-r-y time I look in the mirror.

As the Lord continues to fill my heart with Contentment,
I'm incredibly thankful
that this passage doesn't stop at verse 19.
This is not a passage just about putting off or about withholding.

It's also about storing up treasures
Treasures that will outlast this earth.
It's about cultivating relationships,
growing and maturing, walking with the Lord,
experiencing the Greatness, the Grace and the Gospel of God
and pocketing those pennies, so-to-speak.

So if that battle seems like a never-ending war to you too,
Take Heart.
Not only has Jesus Christ conquered sin,
but He is also revealing what is good and what is true.
Think upon those things
and store them up for life eternal.

For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also
or where your heart is,
there your treasure will also be.

Once upon a time...

I used to blog.

And once upon another time,
I will blog again.

I'm sure of it.

November: the best of my days

I'm well aware of the fact that bloggyville
has been a bit of a ghost town these last couple months.

And while there are countless things
that I'd like to take the time to document and to share,
I have been enjoying how full my days are.

Full of work, full of friends,
full of family, full of adventure,
full of grace and full of joy.

Here are a few highlights:

1. A great workout
2. Catching up on Revenge!
3. Celebrating the McDougals
4. Spending time with Alana + Erin
5. Snuggling by the fire for a quiet morning
6. Crafting with my sister
7. A Pomegranate-Blueberry tea latte
8. A way productive night
9. Even though Girls Night was a bust,
Erin + Lyssie still came over
10. Forgiveness + Honest Communication
11. Feeling proud to work for Qualcomm
12. A no-commitment kind of Saturday
13. Holding sweet little baby Averie
14. Canceled Meetings
15. A great workout
16. A perfectly productive night
17. Seeing Andrew + Amy at Bible Study
18. Celebrating Mr. and Mrs. Pistotti
19. Christmas decorating!!
20. Singing one of my favorite songs
21. Faux-Thanksgiving Dinner with Danny
22. A Head Massage while hearing stories of how good God is
23. Getting off work early to go see Papa
24. Celebrating Thanksgiving with family
25. Walking through downtown Sonora #socute
26. Having lunch with Jacob + Christin in the midst of a long drive home
27. The start of Advent
28. Appetizers for dinner. #nomnom
29. Reconciliation + Encouragement
30. Celebrating Jakey's Birthdayyy

And seriously, does December start tomorrow?
That's nuts.

It's not necessarily the
"oh-my-gosh-Christmas-will-be-here-in-a-flash" stress that gets me,
but more the fact that this year FLEW by.

It's time to celebrate the Christmas season
and start thinking about next years goals.

Archive:
October
September
August
July
June
May
April
March
February
January

Thankful for: A Change of Scenery

We've been house sitting for the last couple days.
And while it's always a little bit inconvenient,
I've enjoyed the change of scenery.

I wake up to a different view
from a different backyard.
I wake up at a different time
to feed dogs I normally don't see.
I get to shower in a different bathroom
and use a different soap and shampoo.
I drive different windy roads covered in greenery
and see different people on my way to work.
I stop at a different coffee shop
and get something other than 'the usual.'
I see the world differently.

And when I drive home,
I stroll along the coast,
soaking in every last glimpse of sunlight
before it sneaks back over the horizon.
I try different restaurants
and play with dogs I normally don't see.
I peal away from chores
and from computers
and I see the world differently.

Thank you, Lord, for this change of scenery.
Thank you for the little beauties and treasure I get to delight in.
And thank you for eyes to see.