Diary of a Recovering Perfectionist

Dear Diary,

Last night I had a nightmare.
Other people might call it a dream,
but to me, it was basically as nightmare-ish as they get.

You see, I was scheduled to give a presentation --
not just any presentation,
but a presentation to a large group of executives.

This presentation of sorts,
was scheduled to take place in the middle of a day-long conference.
And by scheduled,
I mean "loosely" scheduled.
There wasn't a definitive start time.
I was just supposed to come up to the podium
and begin when called upon.

Well, the conference went on for a few hours
and I finally took a 15-minute break
to grab some ice cream with Jeremiah real quickly.
As I strolled back in to the conference,
the conference leader was closing in prayer.
I'm not particularly sure when the conference
turned in to some sort of spiritual meeting,
but I knew the prayer signaled the end of the conference.

I had missed it.
I had absolutely dropped the ball,
forgotten my responsibilities,
and missed my presentation.

The dream (er, nightmare) continued
as multiple people rebuked me
and eventually fired me.

Then I woke up.

I'm so thankful that wasn't real life.

With Love,
A Recovering Perfectionist

It's OK to be Counting Sheep

I often read blog posts about people and their dreams.

"I'm so thankful my husband believes in my dreams, too."
"We spent hours discussing our goals and dreams."
"I'm living my dream and I couldn't be happier."

And it gets me thinking, almost daily: what is my dream?

Why aren't I discussing it, living it, and making sure my husband supports it? If I died today, what dream would I have for people to carry on in my honor?

I've come to the conclusion that: I don't have one.

I don't have that one big goal I've been working towards all my life. It's not like I've always wanted to be a teacher, nor have I always wanted to start my own business. As much as it'd be fun, I don't see myself up-routing and traveling the world.

And after months (and I mean months!) of pondering, I've decided that's okay.

I have smaller dreams.

And I think about those all the time. And my husband believes I can achieve them. And I'm starting to live them.

Sheep #1: Love God and Love Others
Sheep #2: Learn to Sew
Sheep #3: Craft for a Wedding
Sheep #4: Sell on Etsy
Sheep #5: Become a Better Wife
Sheep #6: Spend a Month Living Abroad
Sheep #7: Give Pitching Lessons Again
Sheep #8: Be a Stay-@-Home Mom for 2 Children
Sheep #9: Volunteer at a Youth Summer Camp for a Week
Sheep #10: Buy a House and Make it a Home (in San Diego)
Sheep #11: Climb Half Dome
Sheep #12: Take a Dance Class
Sheep #13: Lead a Group for Mom's
Sheep #14: Win an Award at Work
Sheep #15: Learn to Speak Italian